Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish you could order shots online.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
