so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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