update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
