508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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