Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
