I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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