people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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