The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so let's talk penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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