like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
