I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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