His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
