if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
