I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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