dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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