He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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