I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
