I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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