Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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