There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All the doctor said was why
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
