so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
