I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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