that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
