I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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