I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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