if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
