giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
