I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
