i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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