I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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