Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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