There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
