How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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