Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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