You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize