I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
