What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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