"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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