Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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