Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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