I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
