I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
