I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
