I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
