just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Green mimosas i think yes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
