70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
