Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Panties = found
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
