Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
