yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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