I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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