just come out here and I will go home with you...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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