don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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