It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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