Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize