and you said cock pushups were impossible
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
