Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
