So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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