My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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