I'm gonna have a badass scar
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
