I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
