She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
