you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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