Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
