You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
