K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
