too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
